Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
