Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
