Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
