So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
