You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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