Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
