2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
