I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
