Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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