Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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