i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
