I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
