my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't notice because vodka
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
