pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
