Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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