i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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