So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
