he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
