u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
