He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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