plz talk dirty to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
