My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
