oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize