I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
