Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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