Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
