I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
