did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
