He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh god it's open bar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
