I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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