found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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