yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this will be a night to untag.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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