she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
