I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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