It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
