I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
