we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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