That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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