The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
