Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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