New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
