How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
