i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
