So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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