i need an iv and a liver transplant
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
