I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
