A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
