The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
