i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
