I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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