Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
