so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
