The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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