why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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