Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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