Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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