I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
