Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
