Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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