susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
